He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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