: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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