Are we in a gay sports bar?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
