i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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