I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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