areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
