one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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