I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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