He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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