oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
