I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
