I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
