I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
