So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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