She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
