I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
