The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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