What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
