I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
