The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
