i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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