She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is Oprah even human
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
