Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
