Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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