U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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