Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
