and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
