I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
