Screwed.edu
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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