she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
