Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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