Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
