Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
