You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
