First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
