i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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