what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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