It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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