Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
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suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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