babies were throwing up all over the place
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
