I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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