Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
