I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
