3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
