idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
