I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
