he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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