i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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