sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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