You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
