there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
