I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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