Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
