I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
