My underwear smells like fireworks.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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