but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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