Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
