what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
