i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's blow job season.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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