Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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