My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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