I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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