You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
