..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
