glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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