you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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